Thursday, October 25, 2007

Crop & Rotate Your Prospective

In my line of work, I see a lot of desktop backgrounds. I've seen everything from default Microsoft backgrounds to terrible MS paint "artwork", but there is NOTHING that annoys me more than terrible photographs.

It astounds me that someone could choose an out of focus or poorly composed photo to be the poster child of their personality. Your background is an extension of your self. It speaks volumes about you. I cringe when I see a non-rotated, stretched, or squashed photograph haphazardly applied to a user's desktop. If a photo is so special to you, why not take the time to display it with the respect and dignity it deserves? Let's say you lack the skill set to click the "rotate" and "auto adjust" feature in Picasa, then ask your friend to modify it for you!

Don't even get me started on how ugly your children are. Seriously, ugly people... I'm talking to you... It's bad enough that you've reproduced - Must you plaster your ugly baby's face on your computer screen?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The WORD of the day is 'Macro'

Ok, so I've always hated that when I paste something in Microsoft Office, it comes with the origional formatting. I'll admit that most of the time, it comes in handy, but it's frequently annoying. There are many times when I want to paste without formatting. Tonight, I did some research and stumbled across this article.

Thanks to this article, I've also found a quick and easy way to "Save As". Because the majority of applications I use have implemented "Ctrl+Shift+S" for "Save As", I've now added that as a shortcut key. Note that office already does this with the F12 key, but that's just not intuitive enough for me. I also added a shortcut for paste without formatting function: "Ctrl+Shift+V". That way I can easily paste without formatting if I need to. I used this macro:

Sub PasteUnformattedText()
' PasteUnformattedText Macro
    Selection.PasteSpecial DataType:=wdPasteText
End Sub

For Office 2007, The macro button is under the "View" and "Developer" Ribbons. The "Customize" option is under the Office Logo (File Menu), then "Word Options", then "Customize", and There is a "Keyboard shortcuts" button at the bottom.

Do you know any awesome Office tweaks?

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Stall your conversation

The development of wireless technology has given birth to a cultural phenomenon that I can't understand. Toilet Talk.

Recently, I had a disturbing restroom encounter. I had just entered a stall and slid the latch into place when I heard a hushed sound from the next stall over.

Stranger: Hey. (pause) Hey, can you hear me? (pause) Hey, I need you to do me a favor.
Me: Are you talking to me?
Stranger: I said, I need you to do me a favor.
Me: Hey, buddy, you've got to buy me dinner first.
Stranger: Hang on a second, some jackass thinks I'm trying to talk to him.

At that moment I realized that the stranger on the other side of the partition wasn't hitting on me, he was hitting on his friend...

What I don't get is how you wipe your ass with a cell phone in your hand. what if you get mixed up? That could get ugly fast. And how do you explain to the person on the other end that you're not angry, you're just trying to squeeze out a loaf?

Social tradition, as I know it, dictates that men do not speak to each other in the men's room. Perhaps light conversation and acknowledgments can be exchanged once you reach the sinks. Even the best of friends will stop talking once they enter the restroom and resume discourse upon exiting. Even making eye contact is rare in the men's room. So, how is it suddenly acceptable to have a complete conversation via telephone while on the can?

My Pleasure...

I eat a lot of Chic-fil-A. These cow-free sandwiches constitute at least one meal a week. As part of my frequent visits to this popular chain, I've noticed an annoying habit. All of the employees lie. Every time you ask them to do something for you. No matter how demeaning, they always respond the same way. Seriously, Try it out. Next time you walk into a Chic-fil-A, walk up to an employee and ask them to bring you some napkins. Nine times out of 10, they'll reply the same way: "My pleasure".

Today, James Mitchener and I tested an employee.
Employee: Can I get you anything, maybe a refill?
Me: Sure, Ice Tea.
Employee: No problem. (Walks away with my cup)
James: See, he said 'no problem'.
Me: Just wait.
Employee: (Returning with my drink) Here you go.
Me: Thanks.
Employee: My pleasure. Can I take your tray?
Me: Yes, please.
Employee: My pleasure. Anything else?
Me & James: No, thanks.
Employee: My pleasure.

A few weeks ago, I had a similar experience. I was sitting with James and a different employee came up and asked if I needed anything. I asked him for "some ketchup, please". He responded with "My pleasure" and I couldn't just let it slide. I had to call him on it.

Me: I call bullshit.
Employee: Pardon?
Me: I don't think it really is your pleasure. I don't think you find ANY pleasure in bringing me ketchup at all.
Employee: (Smiling) Just between us, you're right.

I was thankful for his honesty.

I hate that all Chic-fil-A employees are spoon fed ONE frick'n pleasantry. How about you work a few other niceties in? Try "no problem" or my personal favourite "no worries"... sorry James... I had to steal it.